I don't know anymore.

Well.. I don't know what to say, so here it goes.

I hate my stomach and my thighs.
I hate my hair and my teeth.
I hate how my clothes look on me.
I hate my voice.
I hate how I talk to people.
I hate my personality.
I hate everything that gets to me.
I hate that I care too much.
I hate that I'm not smart enough.
I hate that I'm not enough for anybody.
I hate that I can't trust anyone.
I just want to be everything that I'm not.

People tell me I need to learn to love who I am. I'm really unable to do that, and it sucks. I tell people i'm better. I lie to them. Here, it just overwhelms me. I wish I was one of the people who didn't give a crap on what other people think of them. I need someone who will actually help me get over this, not just tell me that I'm this and that, and to go get help. I want someone who will actually put in the time and effort to make me better.

My date to get better is 3rd February, 2013, or by the time my little brother is born. I want to be okay for him, and show him that you can be strong through anything.

I am going in to the doctor on 6th December to find out if I have PCOS, and I'm scared to death. If you want to know what that is, look it up if you care enough.

You need to talk to someone?
I'm here.
You wanna talk to me?
I'm here.
You want to say something?
I'm here.

And I always will be.
I don't know anymore.